I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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