SEEEEXXX PLEASE
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
