remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
