I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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