New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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