u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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