how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
