He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
