i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize