Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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