thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
