True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize