I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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