so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As shirtless as possible
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
