I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
