It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She announced her abortion via fbk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My feet surprised me
Randomize
