it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
