I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
