He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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