My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
