everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
