Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
