He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize