i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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