Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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