shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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