I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize