At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
