There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
