I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
