i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
