So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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