it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize