I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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