dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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