I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
