I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize