so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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