so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
