the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
