So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
