his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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