hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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