dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
