Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
