two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
