K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
