This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
