Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
