You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
