winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
