I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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