What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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