you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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