after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
