I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
