The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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