Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
