I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
