I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
