Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize