What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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