So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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