So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
