I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So. Much. Porn.
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