He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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