Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
