I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
