You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
