i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
